1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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