Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
