Someone shit on the floor
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
