need another drink. this is the easiest way
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
