I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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