Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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