Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
