It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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