woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
