Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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