why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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