More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
