i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
