I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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