you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
