if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
