i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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