i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
