we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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