When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
