Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
