on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
