i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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