u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
