I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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