they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
