guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
