Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
