I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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