6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
