I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
