im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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