She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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