just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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