I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
