If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
