when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
