OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
