Bisexual people are plain selfish.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
