You just made me feel so damn special
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
