just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize