I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
