I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Terrible idea I love it
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
