i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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