I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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