Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
