her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
