Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
