and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
