Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i barfeds in our rink
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
