Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
FUCK WHALES
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
