So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
