I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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