If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Randomize