just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
