My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It's Friday. Sex?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
