I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
