So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
