Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
