I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
