HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize