Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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