I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
