Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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