It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
