drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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