i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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