omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize