I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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