Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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