i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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