I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
