Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
