hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Pants are for mortals
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
