In the future we'll all be gay
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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