Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
