i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
PANTIES FOUND
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