ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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