go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
