I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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