If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
