I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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