Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
