Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
