Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
