Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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