I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
