whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
