Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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