why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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