instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
