they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
