Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
