He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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