All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize