my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
