My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
