So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
