I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize