i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
