I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
