when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
