i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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