I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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