You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
