I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
