with your own penis?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
